I Hate This Sometimes.

It's 4 am here. I should be sleeping with my husband & newborn, but I'm not. Instead, I just said goodbye to him. He has to return overseas for the last half of his tour. I wasn't even the one to take him to the airport...I wasn't sure if I was up for such a long drive so soon after having the baby, so his Mom came & got him. I swore I'd be strong...tried so hard not to cry, but I failed.

Somehow, I'm more upset now than I was when I said goodbye the first time...and the first time I was pregnant & hormonal. I think it's because now I have a small reminder of him with me. And she looks like him, and she sleeps like him. And he's so irritating sometimes. Between how he was raised, and his military bearing, he can keep calm in anything. Which is an admirable quality. But when I feel like my heart is breaking, somehow it just frustrates me. I know that's terrible of me, but I can't help it. I love him so much. I miss him so much..even though he just left 5 minutes ago.

Did you ever cry so much, so hard, that you had a headache from it? That's where I am right now. Already. After 5 minutes. How sad is that? I knew what I was getting myself into. Heck I was military myself. But like I tell Gunlover all the time..just cause I know, doesn't mean I have to like. And I don't like, not one little bit. I do not like this Sam I Am.